Everything has been going smooth. my mother in law is a bit angry bird but it's fine, as long as Sameer is with me and my studies doesn...
" I can't believe this at all. How is this even possible?" Preeti in surprise "and why do you think it is not possible?" I ask her back. "Because it is not natural and somewhat I am not understanding the need of it" she told me. I looked away. "look at me, just tell me did you tell him that you don't want physical relationship right now?" she asked me. I didn't want to answer but I have to answer because that's how preeti is." no, I didn't. it was him who had said that we shall not consummate our marriage till I get comfortable with him." I told her. "wow! so you have not get comfortable with him even after six months of your marriage." she asked me I looked down I knew that whatever she was saying was right in a way but I didn't know no how to address this matter.
She took my hands into hers." See Aarti, I appreciate that he gave you time but I think that you both know each other well and you are comfortable enough with him to get intimate. so what is the problem and what is making me even more surprised that he has not initiated anything in the 6 months. I can understand that you are shy and he might be shy also but he is the man in this relationship. he is supposed to initiate these kind of things" she said.
I didn't know what to reply.
how to reply.
because I knew that whatever she was saying was right somewhere. I was searching words to answer but what could I answer when I had nothing to say.
she made me look at her." Aarti please don't get me wrong but normally men are not like this. I don't know how to say this but I think that he has someone else in his life." she said. my eyes got widened. I was shocked to hear this." what are you saying? Preeti. this is not possible." I yelled angrily and stood up. I was actually very angry on Priti. she stood up too." I know, whatever I am saying it's difficult for you to believe that but trust me Arti, men cannot resist sex specially when they are in marriage and 6 months is a very long time and as you have told you guys haven't not even touched each other properly. either he is very shy or he is having an extramarital affair."she said very confidently.
her words were making sense but I did not want to understand this.
I did not want to believe that Sameer could do something like this .
but what Priti was saying cannot be denied. she is right.
why hasn't he made any advances towards me yet?
yes he is sweet.
he is nice to me.
he is caring but .....o God!
I am standing in front of the mirror in my washroom I am wearing a red night gown given by my dear Priti.
'Just remember make him realise that you are his wife. don't let him go today's so easily. make him yours tonight otherwise you will lose him to another woman.' her words were echoing in my ears.
I had put a bit makeup. I have worn blood red lipstick. my hair are open and messy. my nighty is barely covering my thighs .my cleavage is very much visible.
I didn't know whether I am looking good or not but this is so uncomfortable. I had never thought in my life that I would do this. I still can't believe that I am going to seduce my own husband.
"Aarti, are you in?" I heard Sameer from outside of the washroom. "yes, I am here." I said." why are you taking so long? is there any problem? are you ok?"he asked. "yes, I am ok. I am just coming out within few seconds." I answer him back. I heard his footsteps. I understood that he must be lying on the bed with his laptop and his usual work. now this is the moment where I want myself to bury in land. I don't know how to feel about this but if Priti is saying right then it becomes obligatory for me to do this. after all it's a girl's responsibility to make a marriage successful.
somehow I gathered my I already lessened confidence and courage and then I came out of the washroom.
My I heels were on. I stood near the bed and was waiting for him to notice me but he was so indulged in his work that he didn't even bother to look at me. I must say heels' idea was worst. I mean it aches like hell but still I am doing it. It has been few minutes since I am standing here and he is still not noticing. I cleared my throat to grab his attention. he looked at me and I could feel his eyes were stuck on me. I was nervous like never been before. but still I tried to look confident and smiled at him. he didn't smiled back which made me even more nervous. I combed my hair with my fingers and smiled again.
I am really going to kill preeti. whatever I am doing was her idea. Sameer kept his laptop aside. he was constantly staring at me. he stared at me from head to toe and for about 10 seconds he was actually gawking at my heels. then again he looked at my face .
I couldn't understand what was he thinking.
his eyes were blank,emotionless .
I could say that he was surprised but not anywhere near happy. He took small steps towards me. I wanted to run in the bathroom again but I had to stay there. he came close to me and again looked at me. my lips aching with constant fake smile that I have been giving him since ages at least how it felt like. he folded his hands against his chest. he took a deep breath and release that. I was waiting for him to say something. But he kept on staring. This is getting very awkward now. none of us was moving after staring at me for about 5 minutes he turned and it on the bed with his laptop yet again. he started working.
I couldn't believe this.
I mean isn't he going to say something?
isn't going to react in any way ?
isn't he going to do anything ?
is this just THIS?
have I been dressed up to get this kind of reaction from him.
I am pissed, annoyed and even more than that embarrassed. I didn't know what to do now. what to say him now . did I really do something wrong?
"What is this?" I asked him. "what is what?" he said not looking at me."aren't you going to say anything? that's all are you going to react?" I asked him. he kept on looking at his laptop screen." how do you want me to react on this?" he said .I took off the heels and threw it in one of the corner of the room. I went towards him and set on the bed.
I was angry and I was more angry on myself for doing this. but since I know that I have messed up the things very badly, so now I have to fix it.
" Sameer, I'm sorry I know that I shouldn't have done this in this way. I did not intend to make you feel awkward" I told him. "though you are not intended to feel awkward but this this is very awkward" he said pointing his finger towards my dress.
I shouldn't have listened Priti. I should have known that this is a very bad idea." I know but I have done this for you." I tried to explain him." did I ask you to do this?" he asked me. "no but...." " then what was the need this" he cuts my sentence off. I looked down and I didn't have courage to look at him again." I just thought it has been so long and this would be the right thing to do now. I am sorry if I have offended you in anyway but I thought this was important. isn't it?" I said but he didn't reply I and kept on looking at me. I took his hand in mine. he looked at our already tangled hands and then looked at me." I just wanted to make this work the way it should and........"
"And that's how you are going to make it, being a whore?."
He stood up yelling and jerking my hands away .
I was shocked to see this.
What did he just call me?
'whore'
I couldn't even comprehend his word properly. Ok, I can understand that he must be surprised to see me like this but this doesn't mean that he freak out like this.
"What did you call me?" I whispered. "I called you what you were trying to be. just look at yourself . how fake you are looking right now! are you this? no .you're not. so don't try to be something which you could never be." he spat.
I really didn't know how to reply this. my anger was on its ninth cloud. I had never felt this much anger in my entire life. the words he is using for me are so absurd to even hear. I couldn't help but kept on staring at him. I have never felt so insulted and humiliated and it becomes even more worse when the person who is humiliating you is none other than your husband.
"What do you think that putting dark shade lipstick, wearing a seductive dress and high heels will make you so much sexually appealing that I won't be able to resist you." he said and then laughed loudly.
I was burning with anger. my legs were literally shaking. my eyes were red and tears were continuously flowing from my eyes. I could not believe that he is the same guy who used to be so nice with me .what kind of crime I have committed just now to hear this. if he didn't like it he could have asked me to change but what is the need of saying all these things what is he trying to prove.
He kept on laughing and then stopped. he looked at me" aarti ,doesn't matter how hard you try but you will always remain a 19 years old naive teenage college going girl. don't try to be a woman, that doesn't suits you. you are more looking like a slut. Do you know that how uncomfortable it is for me to look at you like this." He said then came close to me hugged me " a human being should never try to be someone he can never possible be just to please someone."he whispered in my ears and then left from there.
I quickly changed my clothing, removed my makeup and sat on the floor of bathroom. I cried hard ,very hard not because he rejected me ,because he insulted me. I expected a different reaction from him but what he did was obscene for me.I have never felt this much humiliated in my whole life. no one has ever dared speak even a single wrong word about me but today he, he has torn my self confidence into so many pieces.
couldn't he see effort that I made?
was I doing this only for myself ?
no
if he was not comfortable he could have said properly nicely the way he used to talk to me so far.
Next morning everything was usual. I woke up at 4, did my yoga and then went into kitchen to make breakfast. everyone had their breakfast. I cleaned the table ,cleaned the kitchen and then went into my room to get ready for my college. everyone was sitting in lawn. I came out of my room.
As soon as they all saw me, their eyes went bigger." I am ready, let's go ."I told Sameer he looked at me and then at his mum. his mum look at him then at me. "what?" I asked him. "Arti, what have you worn ?"he asked me." what I have on? a kurta and trouser. what happened?" I told him casually. " why? don't you remember what did mum tell you?" he said. I smile that his words. "of course, I do but I do remember your words also that you said last night." I said while folding my arms against my chest. I was continuously smiling. this made him go suspicious." what did I say last night?" he asked narrowing his brows. "you yourself had said that we should never try to be something which we can never be, just to please someone .so I just thought that I am uncomfortable in saree and since I am just a 19 years old naive teenage college going girl, so it doesn't suits on me. you know! trying to be a woman. It makes me look filthier. Don't you think?" I told him back they both were looking at each other and then they look that me so "this is why, I decided that I will be wearing saree at home and what ever I want in college."
He couldn't say anything.
He couldn't even oppose me.
The whole ride to my college was very silent.
"Aarti, I know you are mad at me. But trust me I was just very much surprised to see you that way. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry for the words that I had used for you last night." He said trying to sound sincere. "Did I say you something? Ask for an explanation?
No. Then you don't need to say anything."
I get out of the car and walked in my college campus.
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